Originally published July 1, 2009
1-When the empire builds a planet destroying behemoth they did not call it the “Peace Star” or the “Deterrence Star”. There are no spin doctors in the Star Wars Universe. They call it the DEATH Star. Refreshing candor from the Empire.
2-If you chop someone’s arm off in a bar fight no one gives a shit so long as you leave a nice tip.
3-They are very liberated and unashamed of their bodies. The Wookies run around pretty much butt-naked. In our Puritan Society this is also refreshing (must be especially refreshing on hot planets when you are that hairy). It also sort of reminds me of some of the hairy dudes I have seen at Gay Pride Parades. “We’re HERE, we’re EIGHT FUCKING FEET TALL and we’re QUEER. Get USED to it!”
4-There are no barriers against the handicapped in the Star Wars Universe. Darth Vader had both his legs and one arm lopped off (and was horribly burned) and yet he is the Emperors go-to guy. And what about Jabba the Hut? Morbidly obese and yet he rules like a king. The Americans with Disabilities Act would be unnecessary in the Star Wars Universe.
5-The bad guys wear some sort of body armor but you can shoot right through it anyway.
6-The evil empire have armies of robots. But they are stupid and really easy to destroy unlike the armies of robots in our universe.
7-They do not have to drink their own recycled sweat and urine. Oh, wait, that is why the Star Wars Universe is better than the Dune Universe. Or come to think of it, why OUR universe is better than the Dune Universe. The Dune Universe sucks.
8-You can wear a cape in the Star Wars Universe without feeling self conscious.
9-You can says shit like “May the Force be with you” and not get punched in the face.
10-There are really tall ethnically offensive characters who prattle on and on about trade treaties…Wait that is a reason why OUR universe is BETTER than the Star Wars Universe. We do not have those things, or we only have them when there is a conference at Davos.
11-After you die you get to come back as a shiny, see-through version of yourself and smile beneficently at your progeny.
12-There is no reality television in the Star Wars Universe.
1-When the empire builds a planet destroying behemoth they did not call it the “Peace Star” or the “Deterrence Star”. There are no spin doctors in the Star Wars Universe. They call it the DEATH Star. Refreshing candor from the Empire.
2-If you chop someone’s arm off in a bar fight no one gives a shit so long as you leave a nice tip.
3-They are very liberated and unashamed of their bodies. The Wookies run around pretty much butt-naked. In our Puritan Society this is also refreshing (must be especially refreshing on hot planets when you are that hairy). It also sort of reminds me of some of the hairy dudes I have seen at Gay Pride Parades. “We’re HERE, we’re EIGHT FUCKING FEET TALL and we’re QUEER. Get USED to it!”
4-There are no barriers against the handicapped in the Star Wars Universe. Darth Vader had both his legs and one arm lopped off (and was horribly burned) and yet he is the Emperors go-to guy. And what about Jabba the Hut? Morbidly obese and yet he rules like a king. The Americans with Disabilities Act would be unnecessary in the Star Wars Universe.
5-The bad guys wear some sort of body armor but you can shoot right through it anyway.
6-The evil empire have armies of robots. But they are stupid and really easy to destroy unlike the armies of robots in our universe.
7-They do not have to drink their own recycled sweat and urine. Oh, wait, that is why the Star Wars Universe is better than the Dune Universe. Or come to think of it, why OUR universe is better than the Dune Universe. The Dune Universe sucks.
8-You can wear a cape in the Star Wars Universe without feeling self conscious.
9-You can says shit like “May the Force be with you” and not get punched in the face.
10-There are really tall ethnically offensive characters who prattle on and on about trade treaties…Wait that is a reason why OUR universe is BETTER than the Star Wars Universe. We do not have those things, or we only have them when there is a conference at Davos.
11-After you die you get to come back as a shiny, see-through version of yourself and smile beneficently at your progeny.
12-There is no reality television in the Star Wars Universe.
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