Ways for Republicans to capitalize on Clint Eastwood’s speech to the Republican National Convention;
-Forgo all campaign advertising, pay networks to show an endless loop of Any Which Way You Can and Pink Cadillac.
-Make VP candidate Paul Ryan wear chaps and cowboy hat at all public events. This not only channels Eastwood, it covers his protruding ears.
-Tell people that if Romney loses. The new White House Press Secretary will be Michael Moore. And taxpayers will have to pay for all his donuts.
- Two words “Rawhide.” Oh, wait, that is one word.
-Press release announcing that, at Romney’s suggestion, Eastwood has stopped production of Dirty Harry and the Bedpan.
-A revised version of Hereafter, with new footage of Jesus riding a dinosaur due out the second week of
November, 2012.
-Forgo all campaign advertising, pay networks to show an endless loop of Any Which Way You Can and Pink Cadillac.
-Make VP candidate Paul Ryan wear chaps and cowboy hat at all public events. This not only channels Eastwood, it covers his protruding ears.
-Tell people that if Romney loses. The new White House Press Secretary will be Michael Moore. And taxpayers will have to pay for all his donuts.
- Two words “Rawhide.” Oh, wait, that is one word.
-Press release announcing that, at Romney’s suggestion, Eastwood has stopped production of Dirty Harry and the Bedpan.
-A revised version of Hereafter, with new footage of Jesus riding a dinosaur due out the second week of
November, 2012.
Ways for the Democrats to counteract Clint Eastwood’s speech at the Republican National Convention;
-Get Charlie Sheen to give a speech where he talks to an empty Vicodin prescription bottle.
-Spread rumor Eastwood is to be the next head of FEMA in any Romney Administration.
-Reveal that it was not “invisible Obama” in the chair but
“invisible Ronald Reagan.”
-Indict Eastwood on negligent homicide charges related to plot of Million Dollar Baby.
-Have Geneviève Bujold discuss how Eastwood’s character in Tightrope was so fucked up it led to Jeremy Irons’ character in Dead Ringers.
-Have Sondra Loche explain how Eastwood’s abusive behavior led her to take a job on the Planet of the Apes
TV series. Also, before Eastwood—Oscar nomination. After? Ratboy.
-Get Charlie Sheen to give a speech where he talks to an empty Vicodin prescription bottle.
-Spread rumor Eastwood is to be the next head of FEMA in any Romney Administration.
-Reveal that it was not “invisible Obama” in the chair but
“invisible Ronald Reagan.”
-Indict Eastwood on negligent homicide charges related to plot of Million Dollar Baby.
-Have Geneviève Bujold discuss how Eastwood’s character in Tightrope was so fucked up it led to Jeremy Irons’ character in Dead Ringers.
-Have Sondra Loche explain how Eastwood’s abusive behavior led her to take a job on the Planet of the Apes
TV series. Also, before Eastwood—Oscar nomination. After? Ratboy.
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