There are a lot of reasons to hate mainstream sports: obnoxious greedy athletes, boorish drunken fans, greedy bloodsucking governing bodies that behave like a cross between Russian mobsters and The Catholic Church (without the molestation stuff) and the fact a warm beer costs $9 at the ballpark. The reasons vary sport to sport but one sport seems to rile a certain segment of the populace. That sport is soccer.
And no, the term “soccer” is not a term made up by Americans. The term was used back when, a hundred plus years ago, as the sports of rugby, American football and soccer/football were diverging. I suppose it took root here because the American branch of this sporting family snagged “football.” Which was smart because soccer is a stupid name.
Mainly THAT is the reason people don’t like the sport. It has NOTHING to do with the action—or lack thereof. I have examples as to why this is true. The people who claim to hate soccer watch sports that are WAY more tedious.
Some Americans rant on and on about how they despise soccer. They are more proud of the fact that they do not care for soccer than they are of their children. Fat men who can barely get up a flight of stairs call it a “girls sport.”
More telling they call soccer boring and then the watch a BASEBALL game. I think baseball is sort of dull but don’t feel the need to tell everyone I meet about how boring it is during the World Series. I am not PROUD of the fact that I think it is boring. A baseball game is basically UNLIMITED in how long it can run. I have sat there for FOUR hours watching grass grow. And speaking of “girl’s sports”; they stop playing when it RAINS…
“ooh…ohhh...RAIN…I am MEELLTING”
Sissys.
Other individuals dub soccer boring and then watch golf.
There is nothing more boring than golf. Nothing. I would rather watch a ten hour, one-camera documentary on the economic history of the Balkans,in Serbo-Croation without subtitles, than watch any segment of any golf match ever.
If you like golf. You should have your tongue cut out if you say soccer is boring. John Daly played golf. He won tournaments when he could barely get out of a chair. I think that is the reason fat, out of shape guys like golf. And don’t tell me about Tiger Woods. The first interesting thing he did in his live was bang a bunch of sleazy hookers.
Hell, some people hate soccer and watch NASCAR. NASCAR is a bunch of rednecks driving cars around in a circle for 6 hours. I can see that whenever I WANT. I grew up in Florida. In Broward County it is NASCAR. Drive into Miami-Dade and it turns into Formula One. It is not a sport. It is DRIVING A FRIGGIN CAR. WOOO Exciting.
I am not going to get too deep into American Football. I like American Football. But let’s be serious here, there are four fifteen minute quarters and the games take four hours. They have time outs for ADVERTISING. At least in soccer it is 45 minutes each way with a 20 minute intermission.
Now all this said, I think there are ways to make soccer more exciting. Some of my suggestions are inspired by other sports (like Hockey which is awesome) while other suggestions are inspired by Mad Max movies.
First of all, there is one thing that slows down soccer; players pretending they are injured. If a player pretends to be injured, he should be immediately examined. If there is no injury to, let’s say, the leg, then that leg should be immediately broken by officials. Even if a guy is hurt they should just drag him to the side and keep playing.
Next, defensemen should be able to carry spiked clubs. Why? Why not?
The goalie, before each game, should have to choose one arm to tie behind his back in order to facilitate scoring.
Soccer would also be more interesting if the players could fly like in the Harry Potter movies.
Oh and the “striker”? In keeping with the spirit of the game he should be able to strike other players. It seems only fair.
Oh and the group round with its point system and plethora of ties? Forget that. No ties! Shootouts! I do not mean soccer shoot-outs. I mean ACTUAL shoot outs.
There is no reason to hate soccer (except Americans who root for England. It is ok to hate them. It is also ok, this year, for the Irish to hate the French. Apparently it is always ok for everyone from South America to hate Argentina). With these simple suggestions,and some introspection on how boring most of the sports we Americans love, even the dumbest meat head can come to appreciate the world’s most popular sport.
And no, the term “soccer” is not a term made up by Americans. The term was used back when, a hundred plus years ago, as the sports of rugby, American football and soccer/football were diverging. I suppose it took root here because the American branch of this sporting family snagged “football.” Which was smart because soccer is a stupid name.
Mainly THAT is the reason people don’t like the sport. It has NOTHING to do with the action—or lack thereof. I have examples as to why this is true. The people who claim to hate soccer watch sports that are WAY more tedious.
Some Americans rant on and on about how they despise soccer. They are more proud of the fact that they do not care for soccer than they are of their children. Fat men who can barely get up a flight of stairs call it a “girls sport.”
More telling they call soccer boring and then the watch a BASEBALL game. I think baseball is sort of dull but don’t feel the need to tell everyone I meet about how boring it is during the World Series. I am not PROUD of the fact that I think it is boring. A baseball game is basically UNLIMITED in how long it can run. I have sat there for FOUR hours watching grass grow. And speaking of “girl’s sports”; they stop playing when it RAINS…
“ooh…ohhh...RAIN…I am MEELLTING”
Sissys.
Other individuals dub soccer boring and then watch golf.
There is nothing more boring than golf. Nothing. I would rather watch a ten hour, one-camera documentary on the economic history of the Balkans,in Serbo-Croation without subtitles, than watch any segment of any golf match ever.
If you like golf. You should have your tongue cut out if you say soccer is boring. John Daly played golf. He won tournaments when he could barely get out of a chair. I think that is the reason fat, out of shape guys like golf. And don’t tell me about Tiger Woods. The first interesting thing he did in his live was bang a bunch of sleazy hookers.
Hell, some people hate soccer and watch NASCAR. NASCAR is a bunch of rednecks driving cars around in a circle for 6 hours. I can see that whenever I WANT. I grew up in Florida. In Broward County it is NASCAR. Drive into Miami-Dade and it turns into Formula One. It is not a sport. It is DRIVING A FRIGGIN CAR. WOOO Exciting.
I am not going to get too deep into American Football. I like American Football. But let’s be serious here, there are four fifteen minute quarters and the games take four hours. They have time outs for ADVERTISING. At least in soccer it is 45 minutes each way with a 20 minute intermission.
Now all this said, I think there are ways to make soccer more exciting. Some of my suggestions are inspired by other sports (like Hockey which is awesome) while other suggestions are inspired by Mad Max movies.
First of all, there is one thing that slows down soccer; players pretending they are injured. If a player pretends to be injured, he should be immediately examined. If there is no injury to, let’s say, the leg, then that leg should be immediately broken by officials. Even if a guy is hurt they should just drag him to the side and keep playing.
Next, defensemen should be able to carry spiked clubs. Why? Why not?
The goalie, before each game, should have to choose one arm to tie behind his back in order to facilitate scoring.
Soccer would also be more interesting if the players could fly like in the Harry Potter movies.
Oh and the “striker”? In keeping with the spirit of the game he should be able to strike other players. It seems only fair.
Oh and the group round with its point system and plethora of ties? Forget that. No ties! Shootouts! I do not mean soccer shoot-outs. I mean ACTUAL shoot outs.
There is no reason to hate soccer (except Americans who root for England. It is ok to hate them. It is also ok, this year, for the Irish to hate the French. Apparently it is always ok for everyone from South America to hate Argentina). With these simple suggestions,and some introspection on how boring most of the sports we Americans love, even the dumbest meat head can come to appreciate the world’s most popular sport.
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