I suppose since the Christmas season now starts in July they might as well.
After watching the recent debate I came up with some ideas on how the next debate is likely to come out. These are below.
Rick Perry-Gov. Perry will pee himself and then forget he did it.
Herman Cain-The self help guru and pizza businessman will put his hand up Michelle Bachmann’s dress and then deny it, saying he just needed change for the soda machine. He will then speak about himself in the third person and say a bunch of nonsensical gobbledygook.
Michelle Bachmann-The enigmatic Representative from the great state of Minnesota will blame Socialists and President Obama for Cain’s hand being up her dress. She will then scream “Socialismmmm” over and over again.
Mitt Romney- Romney will discuss, at length, a plan to essentially end Medicare and Social Security as we know it, saving billions and devastating millions of seniors. No one will pay attention however because he is so BORING. He will then show everyone his magic underpants.
Newt Gingrich- Gingrich’s phone keeps going off with calls from various mistresses and bankrupt financial giants he has lobbied for. He will repeatedly shush the moderator saying “Shh I am giving Freddie Mac more good advice. I was hired to give advice, not be a shill, really, I was…sometimes I get hired to be a marriage counselor too.” When asked about being in third place he’ll state; “Really? Are you SERIOUS?” He will then discuss at length why it would be a bad idea for anyone named “Newt” to be in a position of authority.
Ron Paul- Paul will say something that makes you think he makes sense and then immediately follow it up with something that makes him sound like Louis Farrakhan does his debate prep.
Rick Santorum-Santorum (how can you say his name without a smile if you read Dan Savage?) will say something about God being good and most everything else bad but by that time everyone will have left the building and the lights will be off.
John Huntsman-Huntsman will quietly sob, off to the side, whispering; ”My GOD how am I trailing these nitwits by double digits.”
Gary Johnson-The candidate, himself, will try to figure out who he is and if he is really a candidate while he waits outside for a pizza (but not from Godfather’s).