Back in the OLD days even our friends spied on us. And, don’t get me wrong, friend or not, if you get caught spying you should go to jail. The government seems to concur (ask Jonathan Pollard about it if you don’t believe me). But then I noticed that these people were not being accused of being “SPIES” per se. The breathless news coverage would indicate otherwise and I first saw this on Univision so combine my abysmal Spanish with that network’s tendency toward dramatics and I thought Kim Philby had risen from the grave.
These people are accused of being “unregistered foreign agents”. Hell, BILLY CARTER was accused of that. SO what is going on here?
Upon further (English language) investigation I noticed where these spies lived and who they were connected to. Then it all began to fall into place. Below I have compiled a likely list of aims and targets.
-Suburban yuppie spies? This must indicate the Russians are interested in the location of every Pottery Barn in the Eastern USA.
-Vladimir Putin really wanted the new iPhone early.
-Apparently, this group of super-spies were attempting to infiltrate another important U.S. network—LinkedIn (has ANYONE ever actually made a connection on LinkedIn? Wonder why not? Russian spies.).
-Gathering all the information they can to stop opening of Moscow Walmart.
-Not really spies but rather scouts for the new New Jersey Nets’ owner Mikhail Prokhorov. I am sure it has something to do with Lebron .
- Or maybe Dmitry Medvedev wants to buy the Knicks after Putin becomes president again.
-Once I saw that NJ Transit buses 11, 28, 29, 34, 97, 191 and 705 all ran through Montclair I realized one of the agents was trying to bring the all the Buses in New Jersey to a halt paralyzing commerce in the mid-Atlantic.
-Knew that planting a left-leaning Peruvian journalist in the USA would lead to immediate access to secret Pentagon documents.
-New York area provides access to the minds behind the U.S. economy which is the envy of the world, or at least of the world’s bookies.
-Nefarious plot to disrupt Nathan's hot dog eating contest.