Regardless Spirit jumped to the very head of the class today with the announcement that they would charge $45 for a CARRY on bag. Not extra checked luggage, not if your suitcase is full of 200 pounds of bricks you took from the wreckage of old Yankee Stadium but just an average old carry on.
I figure this doesn’t go far enough. The cash strapped airlines have been letting their customers freeload for far, far too long. They need to start charging for amenities and services.
For instance, It is very inconvenient for airline employees when a passenger needs to go to the restroom. It should cost something. Taking a pee is NOT a Constitutional right. AND, toilet paper? That costs money. If you need any of that, another $5. If you are an investment banker who craps on a food service cart the rate goes up substantially (for those with short memories, this happened on a United flight a few years back).
Speaking to flight attendants. When you talk to a lawyer you have to pay. When you go to the doctor you pay through the NOSE. So WHY should it be free to ask for a pillow? Or silly questions like “What is that grinding sound?”
There should also be a mandatory fine for anyone who says or shouts “There’s a MAN ON THE WING OF THE PLANE.”
What about Air? That air is pumped through the cabin. From now on, you want air, you gotta show the money. I am not saying there would be NO air in the cabin! That would be ridiculous. There should be enough to sustain life but you want more than that? $20.
One of the greatest costs airlines face is fuel. And yet modern airliners are capable of flying for great distances without their engines. A few years ago a plane bound for France lost ALL of its engines and managed to land safely hundreds of miles away. From now on, about half way through any flight, the engines go off for an hour or so.
The idea that you are entitled to an actual SEAT is also preposterous. Do you have any idea how many more people you could fit on a “standing room only” aircraft? Turbulence danger? Just tie everyone’s feet to the floor. They can also wear helmets (for a fee).
Passengers have been treated to a magnificent flying experience for years but let’s face it; passengers are ANNNOYING. They should have to pay for the flight crew NOT spitting in their hair as they board the aircraft.
And finally, back to Value Jet, passengers should also have to pony up cash if they want to be sure the airplane isn’t transporting used oxygen canisters or unexploded ordinance. It is only fair as times ARE tough.