Ways for Republicans to capitalize on Clint Eastwood’s speech to  the Republican National Convention;


-Forgo all campaign advertising, pay networks to show an endless loop of Any Which Way You Can and Pink Cadillac.

-Make VP candidate Paul Ryan wear chaps and cowboy hat at all public events. This not only channels Eastwood, it covers his protruding ears.

-Tell people that if Romney loses. The new White House Press Secretary will be Michael Moore. And taxpayers will have to pay for all his donuts.

- Two words “Rawhide.” Oh, wait, that is one word.

-Press release announcing that, at Romney’s suggestion, Eastwood has stopped production of Dirty Harry and the Bedpan.

-A revised version of Hereafter, with new footage of Jesus riding a dinosaur due out the second week of
November, 2012.

Ways for the Democrats to counteract Clint Eastwood’s speech at the Republican National Convention;

-Get Charlie Sheen to give a speech where he talks to an empty Vicodin prescription bottle.

-Spread rumor Eastwood is to be the next head of FEMA in any Romney Administration.

-Reveal that it was not “invisible Obama” in the chair but
“invisible Ronald Reagan.”

-Indict Eastwood on negligent homicide charges related to plot of Million Dollar Baby.

-Have Geneviève Bujold discuss how Eastwood’s character in Tightrope was so fucked up it led to Jeremy Irons’ character in Dead Ringers.

-Have Sondra Loche explain how Eastwood’s abusive behavior led her to take a job on the Planet of the Apes
TV series. Also, before Eastwood—Oscar nomination. After? Ratboy.