Patrick Ogle

1-Will someone please give Gwyneth Paltrow a sandwich?

2-Instead of going to this movie just crash a big-money corporate meeting. They have roughly the same entertainment value (but you get free cocktails at most corporate meetings).

3-Has Sam Rockwell ever been good in anything? (yeah, yeah I didn’t see Moon…but aside from THAT).

4-If you are going to play an ass-whupping secret agent, as does Scarlett Johansson, tone your arms a little. Maybe do one push-up. (she can have half of Gwynneth’s sandwich after that. I am sure she isn’t going to finish it).

5-Why is Samuel L. Jackson in this movie? Ahh I see, to set up ANOTHER movie and to wear an eye patch.

6- Mickey Rourke, obviously immersed himself in his role and is a great comic book villain. Therefore it is a SUPER great idea to keep his screen time to the bare minimum so Sam Rockwell can channel Paul Reiser from Aliens.

7-You can almost hear agents arguing over the background trying to make sure their clients don’t get killed off so they can be in Iron Man 3.

8-Seriously, Mickey Rourke is pretty great.

9-Does Gary Shandling have a pouch under his neck? What does he store in there? Old VHS tapes of The Gary Shandling Show?

10-Really? An Iron Man DJing drunk scene?

11-I actually got up to pee during this movie. I never get up to pee during a movie. I consider it a point of honor.

12-I kept thinking “Robert Downey Jr. really should have won an Oscar for Chaplin” as I squirmed in my seat.

13-Thor? Really?

14-I am charitable about super hero movies. Really, I am.